


the cold in our different universe

by ultskz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, Love Letters, M/M, chan is mentioned for like two seconds, changbins pov, the day after felix’s elimination, winter !!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 21:55:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16395818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultskz/pseuds/ultskz
Summary: changbin is remembering lee felix.stray kids may have debuted already, and they were doing really well, in fact. but there were eight of them.and so changbin writes a letter, reminiscing the winters day after felix was eliminated, the day before he left for australia and was never seen again.changbin remembers that day oh so well.





	the cold in our different universe

as soon as we took a single step outside, the cold attacked us.

it froze my hands, and i stuffed them in my pockets with haste. i felt a light shiver trail its icy path down my spine. wordlessly, i took on the onslaught.

you audibly voiced your discomfort, your teeth chattering in the back of my mind.

“hyung, chan might be right for once, y’know? it’s really cold.”

your words dissolved along with our frosty breaths, like fire-breathing dragons leaving stamps in the air.

i looked into the concrete with distaste, and observed our shoes leaving their tell-tale prints together. side by side. you walking next to me.

i knew that by the end of the day, our matching paths would probably be trodden down into nothing, so i kept quiet, biting my lip.

“he said we’ll get a cold if we go out.” you muttered, but followed along nevertheless. i dared myself to look at you, and spotted a speck of white dust-like snow had landed in your mess of a hairstyle. i plucked it out solemnly. you smiled as i did it.

for a while, i remember walking with you. these moments are the ones that could’ve easily escaped my memory, but i don’t allow them to. whilst we walked through the barren parks and listened to the bird’s early call, i remember feeling as blank as the snow that littered the trees and lay beneath our feet. my mind, at that moment, was its own barren desert.

you seemed to be deep in thought, however. you appreciated the silence. i can’t begin to imagine how loud it must’ve been inside your head compared to the stillness outside of it. a whirlwind.

i wish i had felt more in the moment, truthfully. it was absurd. now, i feel too much. then, i felt hollow.

my words sounded like it too.

“are you going to go back to australia?” i whispered.

you had been staring at the cooling sky, and i observed as you looked at me, as your lively eyes took its place staring at mine. i saw my own outlining in them. 

for a while, i sensed your hesitation. the air grew still.

“yeah, i am.” and you nodded as well, and your hair fell into your heat-filled eyes, and i felt mine grow deathly cold. 

i nodded too, for the extra effect of not seeming fazed whatsoever. because even though i told myself that i was prepared for it, and i believed i was prepared for it, i really wasn’t, and so my heart suffered its first crack.

something inside my head told me to look at you then. it was a whisper. and so i took in your freckled face that was blossoming red from the cold, your patterned scarf bundled around your neck, your nest of hair after you forgot to tame it before coming out with me, the curve of your features,your nose, your lips. i painted a picture of them in my head, my drawing identical to what i saw, and i created a masterpiece.

you caught my staring.

i felt you snake your hand into my coat pocket, and you took my hand into yours, and we held on, and interlaced our fingers, and you brushed your thumb against my hand, our own defence against the cold.

we looked up into the sky for a while before returning to the dorms, to chan’s complaints and to your suitcase, waiting to be packed for your flight the next day.

—————————————————————-

now, stray kids are doing well. we keep laughing. we keep smiling. we keep teasing and loving each other. and i do too. i do all those things, and i write songs, lyrics, help chan. i perform. i take my place on stage, and i dance the choreography it took minho and hyunjin weeks to perfect, and i practice my given lines, and when i deem them good enough, i record them in the studio. i am a piece of stray kids and their music. i keep being an idol.

i heard you were doing well in australia. apparently, you finished some sort of degree, and i am extremely proud.

i wish i knew more about what you’re doing now. your life is most definitely a lot different then mine. because i haven’t seen you in so long, i wonder if we’re living in different universes. are we even that far away? we share a planet. it’s easy for us to get to each other.

whatever happened to us, whatever we did together, will stay in that different universe before you ever got on that plane. and if smarter people are right, i hope that universe is infinite, so that some version of me is experiencing that day over and over again. an outdated version. and they’re reliving that day where we left our matching footprints in the snow.

and that some version of me is still feeling the tingle of your hands slipping through mine, and that some part of me is still holding onto you. that we’re still looking at the sky with its clouds. that you’re still looking at me.

if i could go back to that different universe, i’d tell myself to hold on tighter. 

enjoy yourself, felix.

yours truly, 

seo changbin.

**Author's Note:**

> please give me some love or comment if you enjoyed!!


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